so, the waiting's over... and i'm still stuck...

Well... results day.

Now, i kinda assumed that if i got my grades for uni (well, more if i got straight As, but since that's what i needed...), that i'd be happy - you would think so, wouldn't you? Well, i wasn't really - just immensely relieved.

I did get the grades (just). Philosophy-A, Maths-A, Further Maths-A, Music-A (just... by 3 ums... or 0.5%... hehehe... yeah managed to royally screw up my music exam - oops... that kinda ruined my ambitions to achieve only As in every exam i took (as well as overall), but it'll keep me humble :D And also - though i hardly cared by the time i'd got my As - i got a merit in the Addvanced Extension Award for Philosophy - 4 marks off a distinction (which i think i might possibly have got if i had actually revised half the stuff i was supposed to... but as i said, i don't really mind - and i keep forgetting about it...)

Anywayz, so the next reaction you'd expect to get is "OMG i got into Cambridge - one of the best unis in the world - wooohoo!!! i can't wait to go" - except, um... i'm still stuck.

I orginally applied because of the fantastic opportunities it offers, the people, the teaching etc - all of which still stands - i think i'd have a really good time there - and the benefits it could potentially offer in the future are important aswell. But i still want to do theatre, and thus am not sure that doing a philosophy degree is the best way to go about it... although, there looks to be excellent opportunities at cambridge for student theatre - so i'm sure it would be an excellent source of experience.

But on the other hand - even if i train oin theatre after doing philosophy, i don't see how i could possibly afford the time or the money - particularly when i'd really really like to do Guildhall's Course (possibly the best course on the planet for tech theatre/stage management). So even if i did a one or two year post grad - it couldn't be at Guildhall (though that does rather rely on them accepting me first anyway...).

*eek*

i wish i knew what to do, because i know this is just going to hang over me until i make a final, firm, unchangable decision - and i can't see that happening any time soon... awwwwww!!!!! grr!!!!

Also, a month from now is looking kinda bleak... everyone is leaving (bar me and hannah, just about) - i'm gonn amiss everyone so badly, and they'll all be having too good a time to miss us (which is a good thing, i might add), it just seems kinda lonely... Hohum... maybe i will me a soul-mate at new work - whatever that might be - guess i'll find out monday/wednesday!

hohum...

in much stuckness

peace xxx